March 1st, 2011.
You know, a year or two years or three years ago I'm sure I never would have put much thought into where I'd be on March 1st, 2011. But as I sit here in Nikiski, where I grew up, listening to my entire iTunes library on shuffle/repeat, I get the feeling that had I put much thought into it, I would have seen myself somewhere a lot different right now. But things are funny that way sometimes. I've been in Alaska for 10 months now and over half a year longer than I intended to be. But sometimes you can intend all you want, and life puts you wherever the hell it wants to, and you just gotta deal with it and keep on fighting the good fight. Of course nobody expects obstacles to come their way, but they do. Just like we don't hop in our car expecting to get into a car accident but we put our seat belts on anyway. So here I am, sitting at a kitchen table finishing off the last of the Pete's Wicked I've got in the fridge, pondering where I think I'm gonna be in a month, 3 months. Where I'm gonna be March 1st, 2012. Chances are I'm gonna be somewhere different, in a different frame of mind, but I'll be a lot better off thanks to where I'm at right now. But instead of hypothesizing about where exactly I'll be in a year, it's a story from my past that's inspiring me at the moment.
When I was 15 years old I was a chubby super awkward pre-pubescent boy who carried around a small Buddha statue in his pocket. My mother had given me this statue to hold onto, to carry with me, to remind me to always have peace of mind. To remind me that through difficult things come good things, that everything happens for a reason. You know, all that cliche stuff. However, when I was that age I really, really, really needed to hear that, and I really needed that security blanket. One day, though, I was at a speech and debate tournament and I lost my little Buddha. At first, I was really upset and freaked out. But soon, I learned a really valuable lesson: I didn't need that little Buddha to remind me to remain positive. I didn't need that security blanket anymore.
Why do I share this story? Because I feel like it applies to me now, and it can apply to anyone. Obstalces come your way, very specific obstacles, because you are the one that's supposed to overcome them. I'm not saying it's fate or something divine. I'm simply saying that we choose a way to go, we take a walk in a direction and we must deal with the obstacles on that path, and we do so because in time the later obstacles will be easier to pass because of those we have already overcome. We leave security blankets behind along the way, we lose our little Buddha statues, because at some point we don't need them anymore. All we really need is love, tenacity, and the person in the mirror.
I looked at myself in the mirror today. I flexed a little bit. Yeah, I flexed. And I told myself "hey you sexy beast, you're going places." I didn't need anyone else to tell it to me, just me. I didn't pull a Buddha out of my pocket, I just said it. And I meant it. And it's because of this that I know that once this portion of my life is over I'll go some place else. Some place better. Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not. Better doesn't mean easy, but that's good because it means life won't ever get boring. If things were easy, this life would sure be a boring one.
So I'll end this rambling text adventure by reaching out to the people I love. It's been a bit of a nostalgic night spent reminiscing and talking to some really good friends, and I can say this to all of you: If you're not where you want to be, then change it. If you are where you want to be, then cherish it. If you're on your way there, enjoy the journey. If you have someone that loves you, and you love them back, appreciate it because it is much more rare than people think. If you don't have someone that loves you and that you love back worry not, because the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for, and in the end: Good things come to good people.
And I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and say: "Hey you sexy beast, you're going places." If you can't say that, then figure out how to say it. Because if you can't say it to yourself, then how can anybody else say it to you?
And to all of those people out there that take advantage of the good people, that push people and lie and cheat and steal and hurt: I hope you figure it out now. Because if you don't, then you're the one that's really in trouble in the end. And to you, I lift my left pinky finger. And trust me, if you saw my pinky, you would know that it's a lot more offensive than my middle one would be.
Will all the love my little heart can muster,
Joshua
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